Dating has become…just, more. Probably because as serious as I took considering a relationship, dating needs to be slow and deliberate. It’s also even more than that.
It’s because of my food allergies, because honestly, it’s not just a dietary restriction, it’s a whole lifestyle change. Where am I going with this? Well, I recently started spending time with someone who is as hyperaware of my allergies as I have ever encountered in a man. He tells me his whole outlook on food is different now, he is in fact scared to death that someone like me can exist and be killed by a small accident in a kitchen or in a factory.
Mostly, I am sure, because if he wants to kiss me, he can’t have dairy or shellfish or any of the other products or derivatives I am allergic too.
This leads to a lot of questions. It leads to odd dates. When he originally asked me out, I dodged his invitations to breakfast, then lunch and finally dinner the night we hit it off. I always take a step back when a guy wants to get to know me and when we find each other attractive, I have to gauge whether a man will understand firstly what I am saying. Deathly allergic. Not an intolerance, or even swelling and some hives. Death.
It’s almost like a test. The get it, or they don’t. They put in the effort, or they don’t. Simple as that.
Well, not simple. This poor man who is terrified, I repeat terrified of killing me, asks so many questions. Which is lovely, it makes me blush, and laugh. Because he really gets it. It being the day to day fear. The paralyzing fear that comes from simple cross contamination. Mixed up production lines, not thoroughly cleaned machinery. From a chef not paying attention for just one moment.
He admitted that he eats out, all the time. That he’s a picky, healthy eater. That some of his favorite foods, would in fact kill me, and some of my favorite foods he hates.
Dating isn’t just about my bruised heart, or my insecurities. It’s not just about the age difference, or our pasts. Or my penchant for cursing, or accidental burps as he makes me laugh after I finish a good beer he brought over for dinner. It’s the texts about how he was eating dried fruit, and saw the ingredients said it was manufactured in a facility with dairy. About what brands I can eat. Accidentally asking me out to dinner, than apologizing. Him telling me he didn’t eat his normal lunch because it could kill me if he wanted to be spontaneous if he saw me.
Dating for me is obstacle after obstacle. Not just that 2 months ago, a tall handsome guy asked me to play pool and I shut his “charm” down and beat him mercilessly on the table. How one of his friends told him I wasn’t interested in guys.
It’s not that then a couple nights ago, we found ourselves sitting next to each other at a bar, I gave him a chance and we found we ad a couple things in common and a lot of differences. It’s not just that my cat likes him and we both love the same hotdog and mustard, we like old movies and can quote Snatch backwards and forewards. It’s not that we are moving to different places farther away from each other.
It’s right now that he said to me “I’m just afraid of killing you.” and I say back with a small smile “I bet you say that to all the girls.”