Dating has become…just, more. Probably because as serious as I took considering a relationship, dating needs to be slow and deliberate. It’s also even more than that.
It’s because of my food allergies, because honestly, it’s not just a dietary restriction, it’s a whole lifestyle change. Where am I going with this? Well, I recently started spending time with someone who is as hyperaware of my allergies as I have ever encountered in a man. He tells me his whole outlook on food is different now, he is in fact scared to death that someone like me can exist and be killed by a small accident in a kitchen or in a factory.
Mostly, I am sure, because if he wants to kiss me, he can’t have dairy or shellfish or any of the other products or derivatives I am allergic too.
This leads to a lot of questions. It leads to odd dates. When he originally asked me out, I dodged his invitations to breakfast, then lunch and finally dinner the night we hit it off. I always take a step back when a guy wants to get to know me and when we find each other attractive, I have to gauge whether a man will understand firstly what I am saying. Deathly allergic. Not an intolerance, or even swelling and some hives. Death.
It’s almost like a test. The get it, or they don’t. They put in the effort, or they don’t. Simple as that.
Well, not simple. This poor man who is terrified, I repeat terrified of killing me, asks so many questions. Which is lovely, it makes me blush, and laugh. Because he really gets it. It being the day to day fear. The paralyzing fear that comes from simple cross contamination. Mixed up production lines, not thoroughly cleaned machinery. From a chef not paying attention for just one moment.
He admitted that he eats out, all the time. That he’s a picky, healthy eater. That some of his favorite foods, would in fact kill me, and some of my favorite foods he hates.
Dating isn’t just about my bruised heart, or my insecurities. It’s not just about the age difference, or our pasts. Or my penchant for cursing, or accidental burps as he makes me laugh after I finish a good beer he brought over for dinner. It’s the texts about how he was eating dried fruit, and saw the ingredients said it was manufactured in a facility with dairy. About what brands I can eat. Accidentally asking me out to dinner, than apologizing. Him telling me he didn’t eat his normal lunch because it could kill me if he wanted to be spontaneous if he saw me.
Dating for me is obstacle after obstacle. Not just that 2 months ago, a tall handsome guy asked me to play pool and I shut his “charm” down and beat him mercilessly on the table. How one of his friends told him I wasn’t interested in guys.
It’s not that then a couple nights ago, we found ourselves sitting next to each other at a bar, I gave him a chance and we found we ad a couple things in common and a lot of differences. It’s not just that my cat likes him and we both love the same hotdog and mustard, we like old movies and can quote Snatch backwards and forewards. It’s not that we are moving to different places farther away from each other.
It’s right now that he said to me “I’m just afraid of killing you.” and I say back with a small smile “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“I hear some of you complaining “women always say they want a nice guy.” I know lots of women — I’m even related to a few — and I can’t say I’ve ever heard any of them say that. I can’t prove it, but this sounds like one of those things stand-up comedians say about women and everyone else just repeats. I’ve also never known a woman who cries when she breaks a nail — although I’ve known a few who swear like a 15-year-old sailor in jail — and I’ve never had a woman ask me if her outfit made her look fat unless she actually wanted and subsequently appreciated my opinion. So either I’ve stumbled upon a secret trove of women who aren’t passive-aggressive sob machines, or you need to stop mistaking Dane Cook routines for peer-reviewed sociological studies.”—Lore Sjöberg, Alt Text: Taking Another Look at the Myth of the ‘Nice Guy’
“Changing the way we talk is not political correctness run amok. It reflects an admirable willingness to acknowledge others who once were barely visible to the dominant culture, and to recognize that something that may seem innocent to you may be painful to others.”—David Plotz
are less like temples
and more like biographies
they carry all the
broken hearts, false hopes and cobwebs
neatly mapped in your veins and tendons,
a whole history
tucked away in the spaces in between
your ribs and collarbones.”— Annalise Gill
“Faces lit up by computer screens
as we tangle ourselves up in the sheets
pretending it’s each other’s limbs.
It’s 4am, now
and the sun will be rising
just as you’re watching it set.
I’m listening to songs that remind me of you
and you’re a million miles away
and I’ve never missed you more than I miss you now.”—"Lond Distance", by Rosie Scanlan
“Discipline isn’t a dirty word. Far from it. Discipline is the one thing that separates us from chaos and anarchy. Discipline implies timing. It’s the precursor to good behavior, and it never comes from bad behavior. People who associate discipline with punishment are wrong: with discipline, punishment is unnecessary.”—― Buck Brannaman, The Faraway Horses: The Adventures and Wisdom of One of America’s Most Renowned Horsemen
“As women, we are taught to be tiny. To have small bodies, to never be imposing. The ideal of our gender are thin and childlike, hairless and dainty. We are defined by our bodies; defined by our control over them. We are taught to obsess over our physicality and to be repulsed by our desires and intelligences. We are taught to walk scared late at night. We cradle our keys between our perfectly manicured fingers, walking gracefully like a baby antelope in a herd of lions. That our virginity defines our character. That I am a frigid bitch if I do not fuck him, and a dirty slut if I do.”—The Truth About Growing Up A Woman, Michelle K.
“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”—Mary Anne Radmacher
“Whoever wants music instead of noise, joy instead of pleasure, soul instead of gold, creative work instead of business, passion instead of foolery, finds no home in this trivial world of ours.”— Hermann Hesse
“There is no designated time for anything in your life. You don’t have to have your first kiss at any certain time, you don’t have to get married in your 20′s and you don’t have to do anything just because other people think it’s best. In fact, you will be much better off if you just do what your heart says. The day you stop caring what other people think is the day their opinions don’t mean anything, because you’re not there to give them weight.”—10 Things I Wish I Could Have Told Myself 5 Years Ago