So here’s my advice: Study broadly and without fear. Learn a language if you can, because that will make your life more interesting. Read a little bit every day. But more importantly, surround yourself with people who you like and make cool stuff with them. In the end, what you do isn’t going to be nearly as interesting or important as who you do it with.
I really probably couldn’t express the words that will help you get over this feeling but I can tell you that this happens to girls everywhere.
When you allow people to make you feel a certain way about yourself, that is the moment you are no longer in control of yourself.
We all go through life being told things about ourselves. That we aren’t as pretty, or skinny as other girls. That we aren’t as smart, or stylish. People tell us what to do because that’s how they get us. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is compassionate suggestions, then their are declarations.
Don’t let anyone declare anything to you. If you feel disconnected with a group of females it most likely means you aren’t ever going to be friends with them. Trust your instincts. Because friends, true day to day friends will never make you believe declarations.
They will fulfill the part of you. The type of girls you talk about is most likely just as insecure as you are, they just mask it behind confidence, or cockiness.
I was miserable in high school. I went through everyday wondering so many things, lamenting why I never was asked to parties, why I wasn’t pretty and popular.
It’s because what everyone else understood as pretty and popular was a mold I would never fit. I am meant to be me.
I am That Kind of Woman. I wasn’t ever going to be anyone but me.
High school ended. The only person from my high school I talk to is my sister. Literally. My sister. Who wasn’t even that close to me in high school, you know siblings, competition, small private school expectations, social awkwardness. Anyway.
I am me. There isn’t anyone out there like me. They don’t think the same way I do, or have the same freckle on my right ring finger. They don’t laugh like me, or yell like me. It’s just the way it is.
My friends are amazing. But they, like me, have insecure moments. Those moments come at different times. Mine never come when I go out. Not when I play pool, or when I am at a friend’s house. A lot of my insecurity comes in my apartment. Just small moments of wonder. Or sadness.
These moments are okay. They are human. But, what you have to remember when you step out into the world is that you are an awesome person because of your experiences. Be humble but proud of your struggle, your achievements and your worth. If you are aware of your worth no one can take it away from you.
Not with their words, or their actions. Because you, sweet lady, are the best you out there. You may not be perfect, but then nobody is. Everyone has bad hair days. They have bruises. They burn themselves, they fuck up.
Don’t worry about those girls. Do you. DO what you want, when you want, how you want. I had an epiphany after I graduated college because I frequented the bar in the college town where I still live.
Those pretty popular girls, they though I was cool. They would confess this to me as they came up to me in their perfect heels, and outfits. Me beer in hand waiting to play pool, or in line for the bathroom.
Girls admire other girls who stand tall and proud, as we should. Girls also admire girls who are different. They may not be able to admit it. They may pretend that they like you to your face and say rude things to your back, or they may just be rude and say it to your face. They honestly, are jealous. Another human reaction.
What you have to realize is that how people, not just women or girls, feel about you is a general reflection of their experiences. Some may be justified, others not.
It’s not your problem.
Just focus on yourself, do things for yourself and you will find a group of girls in your town that will love you for you. No nonsense. DOnt’ settle for friends who make you feel unworthy. Your worth is the greatest thing you have. Nourish it. Hold it close. Protect it. And don’t be willing to let it go until someone deserves it. Deserves you.
It’s just this strange thing I do where I allow myself to briefly fall in love with another human being that I see on a train, or the sidewalk, or in a warm café.
Walk. Walk around the city. Don’t take the subway, unless you have to, and don’t get in cabs. Walk through central park and people watch.
Buy a bottle of wine and a mason jar, pour the bottle into the mason jar and find a place to camp out with your friends. Walk through SoHo, stare at all the beautiful people who want to be stared at. Splurge on something.
Go walk through the MET. Or the galleries in Chelsea. Walk on the highline, take your time.
Go eat at a place that has outdoor seating. Go to a bar that only accepts cash with your friends. Go dancing. Walk around the Lower East Side with someone who will take you to bars that have burlesque dancers. Get greasy pizza at 3am.
Flirt with someone who gave you hooded glances, but leave without saying goodbye.
Brooklyn is so foreign to me, that I still need to spend time there, but Lower Manhattan and I get to know each other more and more each time I go.
If you can’t laugh together in bed, the chances are you are incompatible, anyway. I’d rather hear a girl laugh well than try to turn me on with long, silent, soulful, secret looks. If you can laugh with a woman, everything else falls into place.