Is it okay to want to tell someone everything, but holding things back to share later? My mother’s mantra for years has been “Less is more, Katharine”. What if, I stopped rebelling against her and realized that, in this she may be right. Looking back on my past friendships, and relationships I have realized something. Sometimes, people can’t handle everything. Sometimes, telling them everything puts a demand on them that they cannot handle.
I understand the standards of my dating criteria, I set them. And yet, I go out with friends to the local hangouts, the pub, parties or just friends of friends and I keep my eyes open that perhaps, maybe someone will catch my eye.
Back in February I was getting books from the local used bookstore for class, and I met the sales clerk, he was nice, intelligent and funny. I couldn’t deny he was also attractive. He asked me out, right then and there to share his lunch break, it was really nice, he paid for my drink before I had a chance to get my own. He got my number and he spent the next week texting me everyday. I was as much intellectually stimulated as I had been with him in person as I was via text.We had similar interests, etc. We went out to get drinks, I visited him at his job.
I put in some serious time to get to know him and work around my and his busy schedule. I told him about my blog, and as he became more and more busy for hanging out I noticed him around town, with other girls. Different girls each time. I though nothing of it. Then he told me he was all together too busy and the texting stopped. Four weeks in to a friendship with romantic possibilities, I wasn’t too worried.
A couple days after his text message I saw him at the local grocery store, he got out of his car as I exited the store. A girl got out the passenger side, they were close, bumping shoulders she was giggling over something. I looked directly at my car, got in and drove home. My mom thinks I should have gone over and said hi, but in that moment, I was shocked and albeit a little hurt.
The next day I saw him walking around the corner near the bank as I walked Oscar, he was with my friend’s roommate. She was looking up at him smiling, and I just kept walking. Finally, a few weeks later I was at her house because her roommate Steph was in an improv comedy sketch group with me and we had rehearsals for a show.
Guess who walks in only 20 minutes after I get there. Him, bookstore boy. I can feel the heat burning the tips of my ears red (my fatal sign of embarrassment). He ignores me, I ignore him. Steph thank the lord above asks me if we can move to my dad’s building to practice since the apartment was small and so many spectators were there. I agreed, and threw a “Later guys!” as I rushed out of the apartment.
Now, I see him everywhere. Walking across campus, in the science building. Walking through town. He ignores me, I ignore him. Hours of conversation, of me telling him details about my ambitions, about my friends and sibling. Him the same.
I went out with my brother on Thursday night to play pool and relax. I was in line for the ladies room when the girl behind me says
“HEY! Kat, right!” I recognize her face, beautifully tan, without a spec of makeup, and kind eyes she’s about a foot shorter than me as well. I look down and can see she is a tad tipsy.
“Do you remember where we met?!”
“I am sorry, no.” I respond.
“Bookstore Boy (she doesn’t say this, but I will protect his name)!”
“Right! Hey, how are you?”
“Good, good. I have a question?”
“Was he dating you too?”
“Was he dating you?” I asked.
“Yup.” She said.
“Yeah, I think we were getting to know one another.”
“Apparently we weren’t the only ones.”
At that point it was my turn in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, marked with graffiti about this girl or that, or about Nick so and so, and Ryan this. I smiled.
I think he stopped talking to me, because I knew. And he knew I wasn’t trying to play games. He stopped by TKoW, and asked me if it was an accurate description of what I wanted out of life.
Yes, albeit manicured, it is was most represents and inspires me. I told my mom. She asked me if maybe I had thought of not talking about TKoW, that perhaps it may intimidate or off put guys. I told her that if a man has a problem with my blog in the first month of getting to know me, what makes me think he won’t like it in 3 months of knowing me. It’s part of my life, and if he doesn’t like it, well then he’s not meant to be a part of my life.
I think, sometimes telling a person that you want more out of life; hat you are looking for a great job, a great relationship, a great set of friends, a great lifestyle overall, and that you aren’t afraid to work for it, then you can let that person know that you aren’t here to mess around.
I don’t do flings, I don’t casually have sex, I do not casually date. Maybe it’s a fault (not being able to do casual dating, at least not anymore). Maybe less is more. But in this case, I don’t want to waste your time or mine. So, be honest. Be honest if you have 5 girls that you are dating. Be honest if you are looking for sex. Be honest if you don’t like my blog. Because then, I can honestly get away before I get the feeling that I want to tell you everything.And I can honestly tell you that I don’t want to waste your time or mine.
-Kat Keegan April 11, 2012