That Kind Of Woman

Is it okay to want to tell someone everything, but holding things back to share later? My mother’s mantra for years has been “Less is more, Katharine”. What if, I stopped rebelling against her and realized that, in this she may be right. Looking back on my past friendships, and relationships I have realized something. Sometimes, people can’t handle everything. Sometimes, telling them everything puts a demand on them that they cannot handle.

I understand the standards of my dating criteria, I set them. And yet, I go out with friends to the local hangouts, the pub, parties or just friends of friends and I keep my eyes open that perhaps, maybe someone will catch my eye.

Back in February I was getting books from the local used bookstore for class, and I met the sales clerk, he was nice, intelligent and funny. I couldn’t deny he was also attractive. He asked me out, right then and there to share his lunch break, it was really nice, he paid for my drink before I had a chance to get my own. He got my number and he spent the next week texting me everyday. I was as much intellectually stimulated as I had been with him in person as I was via text.We had similar interests, etc. We went out to get drinks, I visited him at his job.

I put in some serious time to get to know him and work around my and his busy schedule. I told him about my blog, and as he became more and more busy for hanging out I noticed him around town, with other girls. Different girls each time. I though nothing of it. Then he told me he was all together too busy and the texting stopped. Four weeks in to a friendship with romantic possibilities, I wasn’t too worried.

A couple days after his text message I saw him at the local grocery store, he got out of his car as I exited the store. A girl got out the passenger side, they were close, bumping shoulders she was giggling over something. I looked directly at my car, got in and drove home. My mom thinks I should have gone over and said hi, but in that moment, I was shocked and albeit a little hurt.

The next day I saw him walking around the corner near the bank as I walked Oscar, he was with my friend’s roommate. She was looking up at him smiling, and I just kept walking. Finally, a few weeks later I was at her house because her roommate Steph was in an improv comedy sketch group with me and we had rehearsals for a show.

Guess who walks in only 20 minutes after I get there. Him, bookstore boy. I can feel the heat burning the tips of my ears red (my fatal sign of embarrassment). He ignores me, I ignore him. Steph thank the lord above asks me if we can move to my dad’s building to practice since the apartment was small and so many spectators were there. I agreed, and threw a “Later guys!” as I rushed out of the apartment.

Now, I see him everywhere. Walking across campus, in the science building. Walking through town. He ignores me, I ignore him. Hours of conversation, of me telling him details about my ambitions, about my friends and sibling. Him the same.

I went out with my brother on Thursday night to play pool and relax. I was in line for the ladies room when the girl behind me says

“HEY! Kat, right!” I recognize her face, beautifully tan, without a spec of makeup, and kind eyes she’s about a foot shorter than me as well. I look down and can see she is a tad tipsy.

“Do you remember where we met?!”

“I am sorry, no.” I respond.

“Bookstore Boy (she doesn’t say this, but I will protect his name)!”

“Right! Hey, how are you?”

“Good, good. I have a question?”

“Yeah?”

“Was he dating you too?”

“Bookstore boy?”

“Yeah.”

“Was he dating you?” I asked.

“Yup.” She said.

“Yeah, I think we were getting to know one another.”

“Apparently we weren’t the only ones.”

At that point it was my turn in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, marked with graffiti about this girl or that, or about Nick so and so, and Ryan this. I smiled.

I think he stopped talking to me, because I knew. And he knew I wasn’t trying to play games. He stopped by TKoW, and asked me if it was an accurate description of what I wanted out of life.

Yes, albeit manicured, it is was most represents and inspires me. I told my mom. She asked me if maybe I had thought of not talking about TKoW, that perhaps it may intimidate or off put guys. I told her that if a man has a problem with my blog in the first month of getting to know me, what makes me think he won’t like it in 3 months of knowing me. It’s part of my life, and if he doesn’t like it, well then he’s not meant to be a part of my life.

I think, sometimes telling a person that you want more out of life; hat you are looking for a great job, a great relationship, a great set of friends, a great lifestyle overall, and that you aren’t afraid to work for it, then you can let that person know that you aren’t here to mess around.

I don’t do flings, I don’t casually have sex, I do not casually date. Maybe it’s a fault (not being able to do casual dating, at least not anymore). Maybe less is more. But in this case, I don’t want to waste your time or mine. So, be honest. Be honest if you have 5 girls that you are dating. Be honest if you are looking for sex. Be honest if you don’t like my blog. Because then, I can honestly get away before I get the feeling that I want to tell you everything.And I can honestly tell you that I don’t want to waste your time or mine.

-Kat Keegan April 11, 2012