That Kind Of Woman

This morning, I woke up feeling disoriented and shocked. Last night while I was a production of Waiting for Lefty I left my phone in my office, and didn’t return til about 10. Instead of grabbing my cell phone I used the office phone in the lobby to dial my parents, they had been in Cape May, and I han’t seen them since Tuesday morning. The call went to the house answering machine, and I got that horrible gut wrenching panic seep into my lungs and heart. I then called my mom’s cell and after asking “Where are you?”, she said the hospital and asked why I hadn’t gotten her missed call or text. The panic swelled into my throat as my mother explained that my grandfather last night was kicking in the head by one of his horses and that she and my father were in the hospital with him.

I went numb, Amy was there in the lobby of the office and she immediately knew something was wrong. A broken eye socked, I remember my mom sayign that, the other things blurred together in my head.  My grandfather is 83 and it was a miracle that he wasn’t more seriously hurt. I spent the evening with Amy, who managed to keep my mind off of things, but this morning it hit me like a bus as I woke up on the couch in the office, knowing going home last night and waiting alone would have been torturous. I called my mom this morning sitting in my car at 7am, still reeling from all the repressed emotions I had avoided the night before. My grandfather was admitted and spent the night. Everything seems to be okay but the doctor wanted to be sure.

I am almost unable to write the way I usually do, to express the terror, shock and relief that has settled into my bones. I have classes, obligations, commitments, but all I want to do is drive home hug my mom and dad, go with my mother see my pop pop and see that he is okay and kiss his whiskered cheek, and joke with him like I did last Thursday went we had lunch. It was a miracle that the horse didn’t kill him. And that is still settling in my mind, the possibiity that I could have lost him.