That Kind Of Woman

Dear TKoW:

”I need some serious advice, and you seem so wise! I am only 19, but have been with my guy for over 3 years. He is very kind, caring, and would never do anything to hurt me. Yet I am bored. He does not wish to travel or have any sort of adventures. I am losing attraction. There is another somewhat older boy I know, who is the type to take me out on a kayak at night to look at stars and talk about life and all sorts of things. He craves traveling. Yet.. he comes with more danger. I am so confused.”

Hey there. First let me preface that while I may give you my opinion, coming to your own conclusion is the best thing you can do. This is your relationship, and no one else’s. That being said, I think by writing for my advice, you have gotten an answer in and of itself. You are losing attraction. Now you have two decisions. You can fight for your relationship, or you can cut your losses. 

I have always been a strong believer of not wasting someone’s time. However, having someone on the back burner isn’t a good reason at all. Also, you are young. Okay, this may seen like I am just compiling a bunch of facts. But, when it comes down to it, you should look at what you want out of a relationship. Also, this older boy, is he over the age of 21? I have advice for you, the type of danger he brings is not worth the trouble. 

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend? Telling him exactly what you want? That is the first step. Also, ask him what he wants. Are you both willing to come to a compromise? That is what an adult relationship is about.

Okay, I must give you another piece of advice that is personal to me. The men you like at 19 will not be the men you like at 21, 25, or 27. That is unless you are lucky enough to meet someone who grows with you through those ages. We all change, we all want different things at different times. Also, you don’t need a man to do the things you love. You can travel on your own, you can talk about life with anyone. You can kayak, or sit under stars and be with yourself. That is a true talent, being alone and enjoying the moments that you are in charge of, then maybe days, months or years down the line you can share what you learn about yourself with another person.

I hope this helps. Good luck, and do what feels right. 

-Kat