That Kind Of Woman

I feel the pressure of my body regularly. I used to think about it negatively, used to hate how tall I am, how I am not ever going to be ‘thin’. Now, as I look at where I was a year ago, and where I am now, I realize it’s not about being thick, or thin, or big or small. It’s about taking back your body, it’s yours. All yours. No one has what you have. You get to wake up everyday with something physically unique. And if your body is bigger or smaller in certain places than other people, well that is what makes you, well you.

I used to be active. I was a varsity basketball player, I rode horses, I played lacrosse. I also stopped those activities when I got into college, instead I played irregular games of basketball, relied on bike riding and walking to keep my body curvy but athletic.

I have come to the conclusion that I am living a rather idle lifestyle, and that I emotionally cook and eat. It happens. But, I have recently decided that I am going to take back my body so that I feel that I am doing what I need to to feel happy and healthy.

I don’t ever want to be a size 0. But, what I do want is to find an activity, be it boxing, basketball, running, etc. That challenges me, makes my muscles ache in an accomplished way, and that will make me happy.

How you get over it? Stop comparison, relish in your own uniqueness, and dress for yourself. Not for anyone else. And, find out what makes you feel proud of your body, if it’s working out, or the way you dress it’s all about you. 

**Also, I wanted to add just in general about looks. I love my face, how my eyes, nose and mouth are set. I have never really ever felt like I wasn’t attractive, because I realized there isn’t anything you can do about your face. It’s a combination of genes, it’s something that will just always be as it is. I used to stare at myself in the mirror a lot, as teenage girls usually do. I saw my mother, a stunning woman, and my father a handsome man, and I saw me. I was made up of their characteristics, but at the same time I realized I was fresh and new, and beautiful. Everyone is beautiful, it’s because they are, well them. Embrace your face, it’s pretty damn near remarkable that you are well, blessed with something that discerns you immediately from others.