Let’s write about our feelings.
Well, that never really helps does it? I mean short term the ease that the words come pouring from your mind to your finger tips to the webpage, yes that is cathartic.
But, for how long, and for what reasons?
Ah, there in lies my problem.
So, let’s write about our feelings. My feelings. The feelings I have been holding so close more recently.
Doubt. Self doubt mostly.
Ah, yes. The big bad kat has some doubts. No, not some. I am a constant being filled with feelings. At any given moment you may find me in a state of happiness or doubt. Happiness will have smiles, big laughter and hugs. Doubt will undoubtedly hold the same, because if you can’t make it, fake it. I know, that’s not healthy. However, I would rather make it thought the day without having to deal with constant questions, than break down in front of the general population of people I know.
I used to have a friend I could literally walk into a room and not hide one thought or feeling from. Laughter would burst from me in times of joy, tears would flow. Thoughts and feelings never suppressed. I have lost this friend.
Now, I have a foundation of friends, who as wondrous as they are, cannot begin to handle the consistent flow of thoughts, desires, and emotions I feel the need to share.
That, ladies and gentleman, if you have gotten this far, is how I feel. I need to screen the people in my life to see if they can handle, the real me. Sharing the worst of times, as well as the best.
Handle. Too hot to handle. Handle with kid gloves. Handle with care. Fly off the handle.
I just want someone, whether it be friend or love who can just know. Know when I need a drive to a desolate place and a laugh or cry. Want. Want. Want.
I’m all kinked up. Like wires for a gadget. And the more I try to unravel them on my own, the more kinks I seem to get.
I need simple. I need a schedule. I need a kick in the butt. I need to kick out the crap. I need to look at what I love, and am passionate about and realize that after I get my degree taking That Kind of Woman as far as I am able should be my priority. I need to stop searching for the person to make it all fall into place. I need to be in the moment.
I need to take the feelings and vent them. I need to pummel, I need to grapple. I need to fight.
I need to stop thinking so much. I need to feel, and act. I need to voice what I want more often.
I need to stop listening to Bon Iver while laying in bed with the accessible internet pondering my feelings.
I need to edit my free writing.