September 23rd, 2014
Frigid Ice Queen. All you can post about is 20 something boys as you call them. Cause there are no men your age interested in you. You said you were not a virgin. Something I do not believe. Why are all the other questions anonymous?
Anonymous

a. I usually answer non anonymous answers privately, as that is an option. 
b. As I am a 20 something, 20 something boys are my peers, sometimes unfortunately and tend to be the more abundant in my dating pool.
c. My virginity, or lack there of is not something that concerns you.
d. Frigid Ice Queen. Hmmmm…. yeah, that’s not an insult. Queens get shit done. 

September 23rd, 2014
Do you think it's ok to miss someone, even if you're the one who told them to go?
Anonymous

Absolutely. 

But, you need to remind yourself, your desires, and your heart why you told them to go in the first place. 

September 23rd, 2014
What do you do when you're feeling down? I'm in a rut I just can't seem to bring myself out of.
Anonymous

Drink a favored drink, then dance barefoot in you apartment. Make bread. Hug all your friends and tell them you love them. Work on something.

Today, I painted part of my offices, then cleaned some of the old pipes, cleared out some grime. I cry, but only to really beautiful things, like french films and old love letters. Write a horribly honest letter to someone, then tear it up to little pieces. 

Wash your face with just hot water and a tiny bit of peppermint soap. Look at pictures of a handsome man, whom you find nearly irresistible. Resist him. Dance some more. 

Put on lipstick, and mark your glass. Wash your sheets, and your towels. Wear a robe and read a book about love and loss. Move your furniture around. Go to sleep. Maybe. 

September 23rd, 2014
I'm a little bit in love with you.
Anonymous

Come out of the wood work, friend. A little bit never gets you anywhere in life. Go big or go home. 

September 15th, 2014
Please close your anonymous question asking. it seems like you are just taking the most juvenile questions. I think you must be asking yourself these just to drum up attention. They really suck. They your reluctance to tell us about you intimate encounters. After all the shit you write on here about love and finding a man. How old are you again Jane Eyre?
Anonymous

“A great deal; you are good to those who are good to you. It is all I ever desire to be. If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust, the wicked people would have it all their own way; they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but would grow worse and worse. When we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard; I am sure we should - so hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again.” -Jane Eyre

You, anon, mean absolutely nothing to me.  You have no face, no being, and thusly your criticism has no foundation. Be someone, don’t hide behind anonymity. I am flawed, but I have no problem showing you my face and sharing my thoughts the way I desire, this is my tiny corner of the internet. No one is forcing you to follow me. 

Who makes you the judge of me? Who are you in this massive world to spend your obviously precious time criticizing me? When I can nearly guarantee we will never ever meet, much less me try and gain your apparent “high” approval on or in any medium.

Also, why would you stoop to use such a generic word as suck or even shit, when really, as well versed in literary references you seem to be, maybe you could have used something more eloquent? 

September 15th, 2014
Would you ever have children?
Anonymous

Depends, at this point in my life, I don’t see myself with children. It will probably change, several times. Having children takes two. I have also considered, possibly, in the future adoption, that is if I find myself financially stable enough, and having fulfilled my own goals.

It goes like this= self love and acceptance, romantic and intimate love and acceptance…. possibly one day channeling the love I have with my husband towards creating life.

Getting hitched and popping out kids is a beautiful and wonderful path in life, but I have a lot of other things I want to do first. 

September 15th, 2014
What do you think/feel about casual relationships?
Anonymous

I am an intensely caring, giving, and loving person. I never want to hold any part of myself back for the sake of something casual. I go all the way, up to my ears in love. 

September 15th, 2014
Do you feel close to God?
Anonymous

I am not religious.

After several years in Catholic and Christian schools, I have determined that religion, and specifically denominational religion is not for me. 

I believe that you should hold yourself accountable to humanity, because you are a human, not because you have a higher power or a set of rules that governs your morals. 

September 15th, 2014
What's the most intimate moment you've had with a man?
Anonymous

Oh lord. Ha! This is neither the time nor the place, and you are definitely not the person I would confide this sort of information to. 

September 14th, 2014
Which city do you live in/near?
Anonymous

I’m about an hour and a half away from Philadelphia and three hours from New York City. It’s rural south eastern PA.

June 14th, 2014
I respect your views on a lot of things and would like to ask some advice. I have recently begun "seriously" dating and I just can't get over this fear of rejection, which is what has prevented me from looking for a relationship in the first place. If I don't hear back from a guy, I just start to panic (even if I'm not terribly interested.) I feel like there must be something wrong with me that is preventing him from reciprocating. How do I get past this?? Love your blog, btw!
Anonymous

Hey there thanks for the kind words!

So, there is nothing wrong with fear, unless you let it become food for insecurities instead of fuel for motivation. 

Dating. Honestly, it seems like nowadays there are little to no rules. Literally, no rules. I’ve been dating since 2010 , and it has only gotten more complicated. Granted, I have met two of my boyfriends off of the internet, thanks tumblr. And with sites like OkCupid, Tinder and Match.com it’s a minefield. But, I have also met men through friends, at bars, or parties. 

Rejection. Here’s the thing, you need to establish exactly what you want out of an interaction with a man. You and only you set the expectations. If you want to be friendly, if you want to be romantic, or intimate you are the one that makes those things available or unavailable. Just like the guy establishes what he is looking for, hopefully, and what he’s not. Ask him. 

Why waste your time? Look at it this way, you are constantly trying to be a better, more fully functioning you. Rejection is rejection. It happens.

Everyone has been rejected. 

Don’t think that automatically because a guy doesn’t respond it means there is something wrong with you. I have “rejected” the advances of my guy friends, acquaintances, and guys who’ve I’ve dated casually. Why? I tell them. Honestly. Also, I have been rejected. It hurts, it stings. It breaks a little part of you. But, you need to realize that you come first, not some guy. Look inward to develop things about yourself that need work! 

Let me tell you a little story of a rejection, that happened to me, that I shouldn’t have taken personally at all. It was all because when I was 19 I met a friend of my brother’s and I thought he was the dreamiest. I did not know him. At all, I didn’t know his past, or his present. All I knew was I thought I wanted him to see me how I saw him, dreamy. Just last year, he and I started “bro-ing” out. We’d play pool, he helped me move furniture, watch the game, talk about beer, music, and guns. We bonded, and I let my 19 year old feelings cloud my adult woman brain into thinking I wanted him to feel something for me. We ended up hashing it out, and while I knew it wasn’t a rejection, it hurt a bit because it was a reality check.  We were better off friends. Absolutely and he’s now happily married to a girl I introduced him to at a party I threw last year! There are reasons for everything!

Rejection is good. Rejection teaches us that we have to work for things, work for ourselves. Be direct but casual. And, take your time getting to know someone. Then be honest and frank with your feelings, and don’t fool yourself into thinking you feel one way when you feel another. You are in charge of your dating life, no one else. Now, dearest, go blast some jams and get in touch with your bad bitch that takes no prisoners.

April 8th, 2014
What did you do to help yourself heal? I have come to understand you as an emotionally driven person in a compassionate & beautiful way. I can only imagine how the break, however civil, has affected you.
Anonymous

Thank you, I suppose. Well, today is my “Sunday” so I slept in, woke got dressed and reset/checked the tire pressure in my car. I came back to my apartment, stripped off my sheets and washed them. Did some dishes, put a ham in the oven, made bread, ate a salad, read up on trends within social media, new updates, etc.

Watched Mean Girls and tumbled. Took the ham out, put the bread in. Made hummus, switched out laundry, listened to a couple really wonderful songs. Cleaned my desk, rearranged my jewelry.

Did some work for Tamworth Lyceum. Talked to Mike on the phone. Made him laugh for a while, which was nice since he has a great laugh, and I haven’t heard it in a while. Watered my plants, practiced yoga, went out on my roof for a gin & tonic, came in and did more laundry. 

Now I’m watching an episode of Bones, drinking a giant bottle of water, and planning my week. 

May 15th, 2013

I think we realize a little more something about ourselves each time we extend ourselves to others. It may be at the bus stop, with a smile and a hello. It may be a presentation at work or for school. It may be putting yourself out there to meet someone who lives a thousand miles away.

I am me. I don’t have to be the same person I was yesterday, or two years before that. That is such a blessed thing to realize. It’s so hard being accountable for other people’s feelings when things are out of your control. Distance, timing, or situation. 

We gave it a try, we met. Things were tough. Things were amazing. But, at the end of the day if I am not truthful to myself then what good am I to another person, especially another person who deserves me to be the fullest person I can to my fullest potential, then I am taking advantage of what they are willing to give.

I am not in a position to be in a relationship with anyone.

There. I said it. Actually, I dodged around that…

I do not want to be in a relationship right now.

Damn. That’s it. 

This I realize. It’s amazing to realize that, especially after years of not understanding why I couldn’t find “the one” to be with.

Because, (past me), you were and are so young. You are a baby in the world, your experiences are yours, not to happen once someone finds something worthy in you. I thought a lot of my potential as a person was wasted on the fact I was single. I mean, how messed up is that, to think that way as a 19, 20, 21 year old. My worth was determined in my eyes by the fact that someone wanted me.

Not to say I settled. I could have. I think everyone could settle. For someone who doesn’t treat you right, or who doesn’t make you feel happy, or any other reason. I was waiting for another person to affirm what I already understood about myself, but until they showed up I would half ass my relationship with myself.

Damn. When and where did that happen? 

What can I say? It was self doubt, insecurity and the overall feeling of being left out. You feel left out when you can’t find someone, especially when those around you seem to find a perfect equivalent. As I become more and more sure of the person I am, of what I am giving to the world as a whole, I realize that it was long overdue that I spend time cultivating myself. Doing things I like, getting better at activities I liked, doing things I wanted to. 

That leads to a different path, one that asks the question “What do I like doing?” and “Why?”. Then there is the whole “graduating college and spending a year in a topsy turvy world of possibilities” not that there is anything wrong with that. I have learned my strength, and weaknesses.

However, just because you know those things doesn’t mean you are suddenly complete. God, it sure doesn’t. I am a mess. I weep in the arms of my friends, I yell and laugh and dance in the company of kindreds. I make bad decisions. But, it’s how I handle the consequences. It’s okay to do bad things. It is, as long as you realize they were bad and you advance and adjust. 

So, I sit here. Realizing that I cannot be accountable for anyone but myself. I can’t. Not until I make a very conscious choice to merge my life with someone who also has realized that it takes a whole lot of self growth before you can grow as a pair. 

(Source: thatkindofwoman)

April 22nd, 2013

I have not, honestly ever had as much male appreciation as I have had in the past couple months. I know it’s a weird thing to state, or reflect on, but I find that my transition from a teenager with no romantic interactions, to my romantic interactions as a young woman.

The scene changes depending where you hang out and what you do. But, in the past 2 years I have realized a lot about myself. Most recently, continual understanding of myself as an attractive person.

Not just physically. I am betting it’s not just physical, but it’s how I carry my physicality. The compliments that I have received are not only flattering because they compliment how I present myself, but how I act.

Men who I have been friends with for years are coming out of the wood work and telling me how much they find me attractive.

It’s bizarre. And awkward. It’s hard to look at a guy you have literally seen climb a building in jean short cut offs with inappropriate sharpie made illustrations on his body while handling a 40, and see a candidate for a relationship. It’s hard to look the 6’6” stoner who lived across the alley for a year, and also a former tenant of your family rental company and take him seriously when he asks you out and crudely informs you of how you fill out your top. 

I used to be pretty invisible to advances like this. I was in the first few years of college courted by guys for all the wrong reasons. They wanted to conquer, I was naive, but steadfast in my chastity. They moved on. Then I dated long distance, and gained some footing on what I can give to a relationship. An adult relationship.

I casually dated, I kissed, I flirted. For a while I did this. I felt… lost. Lost in the casual relationships other people wanted to build. And giving men i didn’t want to date a chance to date me. I don’t want that. So I stopped being nice to guys just because they voiced I was attractive.

I now laugh these guys off, pat them on the should and say “Sorry, bud, not interested.” But, it feels like a victory to myself that my face, and body haven’t changed in the last 5 years, but the way I carry myself has, and being able to hold fast to the standards that I want.

I dress to reflect my personality, I have confidence. I am not fearful of social settings anymore. Because, it’s my choice to be in them, or remove myself from them. I can be myself, and that is what is usually most attractive about someone. 

Sure, some guys are just going to look at camaraderie and just see that, and other guys are going to step looking to poke, pinch, and prod. 

It’s all about how you handle yourself. Don’t allow someone to manipulate you, or manipulate others into thinking things about you. Your choices and actions are what define you. How you handle rude men, or polite ones are your choice. 

I am extremely fortunate to have the security of knowing so many of the bartenders, door men, and security guys that live in town. I have friends that have checked my building when doors and windows have be broken. I have the constant understanding that if someone messes with me or my friends, I have authorities, and “big brothers” to go to. 

Playing pool has taught me so much about how men, in bars, usually treat women. Not only me, but the women around me. It’s also taught me that there are rules to the game and to the social situation.

Sure, these are small town bars, parties, social settings. But, it’s taught me a lot about myself in relation to how people see me.

Anyway, I am really quite happy being single right now. I am exploring friendships, my feelings are genuine and I’ve learned to be the authority on my dating life, and my feelings. 

March 21st, 2013
What is the best advice you can give a single woman?
Anonymous

Before you ever even attempt to get in a relationship, look at two things.

  • Are you as whole and happy as you can be with yourself and by yourself?
  • Is the person your about to be with as whole and happy with themselves?

Because it is essential that you be as whole as you can before you can expect to be the half of something else. 

Make yourself happy. If you are doing that well enough, than you will not only be confident and happy, but you will also be the best you can be for the person you are with. 

A website dedicated to the things that inspire a young woman with a good head on her shoulders, an overactive imagination and a constant question on her mind: what kind of woman is she?