That Kind Of Woman

We all crave a partner who will give and take, as we give and take. It’s human nature. Some people find their matches, it seems to us, so easily. One day you are single the next you are not. Then, there are people like us. 

We wait. We have goals, needs, and desires that are in the forefront of our minds when looking for a match. We need someone who is driven like us, with goals, we need people who understand what makes us who we are. We may need someone who is the opposite of us. I am emotional, I am feeling, and I am perceiving. I may need someone who is more judging, and thinking, but at the same time able to be extroverted like I am. 

I approach relationships with a seriousness that is sometimes veiled under my enthusiasm. I want depth and authenticity. It’s much harder for other people, especially men, to understand that about me. 

Now, when it comes to my friends pairing off and dating, well it affects me, but it also makes me realize that everyone has their time to find a partner. And, that no matter what, if you settle, you won’t be happy.

I could date someone, we all could. We can find a nice enough person, that at times makes us feel cherished and loved, but it won’t be enough. 

Love is hard, especially if you are doing it right. At least that’s what I believe. It won’t always be hard, it will be lovely and serene, when you lay down together, or share beautiful moments together. But if you are being yourself truly 100% yourself, and so is your partner it’s going to be hard.

Remember what you want out of your relationships, what you need. Don’t settle, not for yourself, not to go on double dates, and not to make yourself feel less lonely.

Embrace the loneliness, bask in being completely independent. Because once you find the one, the loneliness will be a thing of the past. 

I don’t think there is an age. Look at Tavi Gevinson, she’s probably one of the most influential young women on the internet who preaches a life of individualism. But then, we also have 50 year old housewives getting plastic surgery to look like women who are younger. 

I think it comes when you grow internally. You realize you are what you are, and you have what you have. You can make yourself happy at the end of the day, that’s it. If you continually try and meet the standards of others you exhaust yourself. Then you aren’t getting anywhere. 

Hmm, sticky situation. Especially to comment on. The bright side is that he is being honest with you, if he were hiding his feelings it would be much worse. 

Have you talked it out with him? How it makes you feel? Have you also considered taking a step back and putting yourself in his shoes? It’s hard to just end a relationship, especially if love was involved, feelings always linger.

Then, you have to consider what to do next. Do you really truly love him? Then you will wait this rough time out. Are you confused? Hurt, or really torn down by this? Then I suggest letting him know that, in very clear terms and discussing what you two can do next.

I hope this helps. 

• Cooking, the more people the better. 
• A strong drink, but not overindulging. 
• Listening to Ceremony by New Order on repeat for a couple hours.
• Writing a letter to them, then burning it.
• Letting yourself hurt. 
• Not letting anyone tell you that it wasn’t special. 
• Realizing it’s just making you stronger. 
• Do my hair, and makeup. Put on a fancy dress, and go to a dive bar and kick ass on the pool table.
• Go to the movies alone.
• Hug someone.
• Put on Nancy Sinatra and dance around your apartment singing along to These Boots Are Made for Walking
• Working out til your legs hurt, and you are exhausted then listening to Someone Like You and weeping for a bit.
• Waking up the next day and realizing that you are totally and completely independent and responsible for only your feelings. 

I believe I am a reasonably great conversationalist, and honestly I wasn’t until recently. A lot of the time we let other people intimidate the way we interact. We may be trying to get people to like us, or maybe we just don’t find conversation that easy to start or to continue. 

I believe that it comes with a little trial and error. My brother, my sister, my mom, and my dad are pretty great conversationalists. Being raised by them has shaped how I approach conversations.

My mom especially. She is one of the most socially at easy people, even though she doesn’t enjoy it on a regular basis. (She’d much rather be at the farm doing the things she loves.) 

My dad not only publishes a government compliance guide but does seminars for 9 months out of the year on the content he writes. He is constantly talking to people, and he admits one on one conversation is much more taxing for him than to a group. However he has passed down his passion for story telling to me. Which can put a person at easy if the conversation is a bit hard to start.

It took years of awkward conversations, corny puns/jokes (which I still make) and bad timing until I became confident in my communication skills. However I have found that as long as I am asking questions and being genuinely interested in what someone says then the conversation will take you where you need to go. 9 times out of 10 I usually have impressed my personality onto the person and the interaction becomes a pleasure to continue. Being yourself is usually the best way to reveal yourself and unveil someone else’s personality in a conversation. 

Also, be open minded to all types of topics. Just because your interests lay in different places doesn’t mean you can’t find similarities. 

Being independent, and being human combat. I know exactly what I want. Or, at the very least I think I know what I want. However, sex and intimacy lend a animalistic approach to life. Sex is an urge, an instinct. Intimacy is vulnerability and trust. Being independent means that you need to acknowledge these urges, these desires, wants… etc. Then, you need to weigh your options, your feelings, the consequences. Then you need to consider who you are, and who you want to be.

It’s the rougher road, it’s work. But, it’s worth it. 

A broken heart is more than just a failed relationship, it is the combine experiences of love that you have had since birth that is set off by a catalyst. 

Love is scary. Scary as all get out. It makes you vulnerable, you think about loss, about gain, about tomorrow, about 20 years from now. It’s all about how strong you are, about how much courage you have to say I CAN DO THIS, because the person who tempts you fall in love is worth it all.

… or that’s what I have come to figure out. 

They aren’t really a friend if they betray you. Friends understand that no matter what there is room for conversation, discussion and healing. It took me 20+ years to find a true friend, but I have one. 

Just one? Regrets are like bad haircuts. They happen, but within time you accept them and make them the best you can .

Personally, I have found it works for some, not for me. Lack of communication leads to unrest. I am also one to thrive on regular personal interaction. 

Be blunt. Ask him, it is, almost, the only way to tell if someone is genuine. Some guys play the game, others are genuine. It’s all about how much you are willing to put up with.