April 22nd, 2013

I have not, honestly ever had as much male appreciation as I have had in the past couple months. I know it’s a weird thing to state, or reflect on, but I find that my transition from a teenager with no romantic interactions, to my romantic interactions as a young woman.

The scene changes depending where you hang out and what you do. But, in the past 2 years I have realized a lot about myself. Most recently, continual understanding of myself as an attractive person.

Not just physically. I am betting it’s not just physical, but it’s how I carry my physicality. The compliments that I have received are not only flattering because they compliment how I present myself, but how I act.

Men who I have been friends with for years are coming out of the wood work and telling me how much they find me attractive.

It’s bizarre. And awkward. It’s hard to look at a guy you have literally seen climb a building in jean short cut offs with inappropriate sharpie made illustrations on his body while handling a 40, and see a candidate for a relationship. It’s hard to look the 6’6” stoner who lived across the alley for a year, and also a former tenant of your family rental company and take him seriously when he asks you out and crudely informs you of how you fill out your top. 

I used to be pretty invisible to advances like this. I was in the first few years of college courted by guys for all the wrong reasons. They wanted to conquer, I was naive, but steadfast in my chastity. They moved on. Then I dated long distance, and gained some footing on what I can give to a relationship. An adult relationship.

I casually dated, I kissed, I flirted. For a while I did this. I felt… lost. Lost in the casual relationships other people wanted to build. And giving men i didn’t want to date a chance to date me. I don’t want that. So I stopped being nice to guys just because they voiced I was attractive.

I now laugh these guys off, pat them on the should and say “Sorry, bud, not interested.” But, it feels like a victory to myself that my face, and body haven’t changed in the last 5 years, but the way I carry myself has, and being able to hold fast to the standards that I want.

I dress to reflect my personality, I have confidence. I am not fearful of social settings anymore. Because, it’s my choice to be in them, or remove myself from them. I can be myself, and that is what is usually most attractive about someone. 

Sure, some guys are just going to look at camaraderie and just see that, and other guys are going to step looking to poke, pinch, and prod. 

It’s all about how you handle yourself. Don’t allow someone to manipulate you, or manipulate others into thinking things about you. Your choices and actions are what define you. How you handle rude men, or polite ones are your choice. 

I am extremely fortunate to have the security of knowing so many of the bartenders, door men, and security guys that live in town. I have friends that have checked my building when doors and windows have be broken. I have the constant understanding that if someone messes with me or my friends, I have authorities, and “big brothers” to go to. 

Playing pool has taught me so much about how men, in bars, usually treat women. Not only me, but the women around me. It’s also taught me that there are rules to the game and to the social situation.

Sure, these are small town bars, parties, social settings. But, it’s taught me a lot about myself in relation to how people see me.

Anyway, I am really quite happy being single right now. I am exploring friendships, my feelings are genuine and I’ve learned to be the authority on my dating life, and my feelings. 

286 notes
dating personal ramble writing advice
February 28th, 2013
How do you feel about dating or being with a guy that short/smaller than you? I'm 5'8" and I sometimes get tired of people making feel bad for seeking guys that are taller. Although, that's not to say I completely write off guys that are the same height or shorter to me. And truth be told I do have some esteem/confidence issues that cause me to not feel 100% comfortable with guys that are shorter/smaller. How do you handle these things?
Anonymous

I have dated men who are my height. I have also found myself attracted to men who are shorter than myself. However that being said, a close friend of mine is now seeing a guy that is much shorter than she is, and she is a smaller woman herself. We talked about this and how she has absolutely no problem with their comparable sizes. She even mentioned that he has admittedly always been attracted to women who are more curvy than petite and thin.

We both agreed that if someone is uncomfortable with dating someone who is shorter or smaller, or uncomfortable with someone else dating them, that most of the time that reflects on the person’s own perception of their body and size.

Do I find men who are smaller stature extremely attractive? Honestly, it wasn’t until recently that I didn’t care how tall or short you may or may not be, no matter how many jokes I threw around “you must be at least this tall( indicates height close to mine) to ride this ride (waves hand over my being). I want someone who makes me feel like me. When we are together I am not concerned with how much my thighs touch, or the way my stomach is rounded out. I have learned that most of the time attraction that comes from aesthetics is, superficial and for the most part has lead me to meet really rude men.

Don’t get me wrong, attraction is a beautiful amazing thing. It’s intoxicating. But, looks fade. Skin isn’t always going to by soft and supple. If you are always wrapped up in the materialistic representation of yourself or the one you are with, well that is going to be a rough road. Find someone who makes you laugh, who treats you well. Who you can talk to, about anything.

Also, make sure that when you kiss them, it’s all you think about for the rest of the day, maybe the week. Height doesn’t matter. It doesn’t, it makes things easier sometimes, like kissing. But, you can always find a step. If your friends judge your choice because of superficial things like height? Well, then, inform them they they aren’t the ones dating the person, and if they want a certain type of man, then they should go find it for themselves.

If you yourself are uncomfortable, try and look at yourself, and ask yourself why you may feel the way you do, and how you can work past those things. Height shouldn’t matter. 

58 notes
advice dating writing
August 1st, 2012
Harking back to teen years, but Why do men in their 20s ignore females they have been flirting with?
Anonymous

Men in their 20s are a mystery. A mystery wrapped in an enigma. 

My thoughts? Off the record, so that any of my male followers be they 21 or 38, or anywhere inbetween, don’t think I am distributing my opinion all willy nilly….

A very few amount of men know what they want. Heck, anyone in their 20s, male or female, knows exaclty what they want. If they do, they usually go for it. Or they are waiting for it. It may be casual encounters, it may be a friend with benefits, it may be someone who is looking for a long lasting love. 

Imagine that you, whoever you are reading this, is going to live until you are 99 years old, god bless you. Let’s say at the youngest you are 21 and at the oldest you are 30. You have 70+ years left to live. That to men, and some women, is daunting. Let’s say that for 50 of those years you are committed to one person. That is a lifetime, a lifetime where you will grow, change, develop, decline… etc. Then you take into account that your partner in life is also going to change… I see it in my parents. Who after 28 years together, are starting to date again. Raising three kids, making them your fulltime commitment changes the way you are, who you are. Now you have to figure out who your spouse is, your goals, your new or changed personality quirks. The kids are grown, taking on challenges and responsibilities of their own.

You are now dating your spouse. Vacations, nights out to eat, no longer are you constantly tugged in the direction of your kids…..

Okay, okay, I digress.

Commitment is terrifying. Especially when you think about how much time you have to get to know someone as a friend. Or, maybe they chicken out. Ignore you because they can’t voice their issues. 

Or maybe, these guys are just asshats. Excuse the language. They’d rather pass up the opportunity to get to know a girl. And would rather go for a short term fulfillment casual flirting, try and get in your pants, but be a relatively nice guy about it. The I am a manwhore and I know it, and I can move on if you aren’t interested, mentality.

I am no expert. I go to bars, bookstore, parks, libraries and other places  to watch interactions, and occasionally have some of my own. This is where I tend to think of myself gaining more footing in understanding the way people date. But, I may be wrong. 

Personally, I tend to be blunt with guys who flirt with me, okay… okay I admit, I flirt back first. A little hair toss, a little shimmy shake, I order a whiskey, neat and do a little spin on the bar stool.

But, I am me, and that comes with blunt observations. If you are going to flirt with me one day, (and I am not talking about a casual mutually understood oh hey you are attractive, oh hey I am attractive let’s jokingly flirt, I am talking about you make me feel like the only girl in the room type flirting, if that exists anymore) and ignore me the next. I will call you out. I will good-naturedly harass you. Albeit with a wicked twinkling gleam in my eyes, but you and I both knew that if you were really invested in me, you’d have gotten my number and called. Or come back a second time to flirt again. Test the waters, see where it could go.

But, that’s just me. My tactics sometimes gains me respect, or other times it gets me ignored.  Maybe it’s why I make a great wingman to all my buddies, (I ask what they want and try to help them negotiate the tricky waters of what women wear to the bar and how that tells you what they are expecting for the evening) and maybe my tactics are why I am single. 

61 notes
writing words words by me advice love dating men ugh personal
April 11th, 2012
Is it okay to want to tell someone everything, but holding things back to share later? My mother’s mantra for years has been “Less is more, Katharine”. What if, I stopped rebelling against her and realized that, in this she may be right. Looking back on my past friendships, and relationships I have realized something. Sometimes, people can’t handle everything. Sometimes, telling them everything puts a demand on them that they cannot handle. I understand the standards of my dating criteria, I set them. And yet, I go out with friends to the local hangouts, the pub, parties or just friends of friends and I keep my eyes open that perhaps, maybe someone will catch my eye. Back in February I was getting books from the local used bookstore for class, and I met the sales clerk, he was nice, intelligent and funny. I couldn’t deny he was also attractive. He asked me out, right then and there to share his lunch break, it was really nice, he paid for my drink before I had a chance to get my own. He got my number and he spent the next week texting me everyday. I was as much intellectually stimulated as I had been with him in person as I was via text.We had similar interests, etc. We went out to get drinks, I visited him at his job. I put in some serious time to get to know him and work around my and his busy schedule. I told him about my blog, and as he became more and more busy for hanging out I noticed him around town, with other girls. Different girls each time. I though nothing of it. Then he told me he was all together too busy and the texting stopped. Four weeks in to a friendship with romantic possibilities, I wasn’t too worried. A couple days after his text message I saw him at the local grocery store, he got out of his car as I exited the store. A girl got out the passenger side, they were close, bumping shoulders she was giggling over something. I looked directly at my car, got in and drove home. My mom thinks I should have gone over and said hi, but in that moment, I was shocked and albeit a little hurt. The next day I saw him walking around the corner near the bank as I walked Oscar, he was with my friend’s roommate. She was looking up at him smiling, and I just kept walking. Finally, a few weeks later I was at her house because her roommate Steph was in an improv comedy sketch group with me and we had rehearsals for a show. Guess who walks in only 20 minutes after I get there. Him, bookstore boy. I can feel the heat burning the tips of my ears red (my fatal sign of embarrassment). He ignores me, I ignore him. Steph thank the lord above asks me if we can move to my dad’s building to practice since the apartment was small and so many spectators were there. I agreed, and threw a “Later guys!” as I rushed out of the apartment. Now, I see him everywhere. Walking across campus, in the science building. Walking through town. He ignores me, I ignore him. Hours of conversation, of me telling him details about my ambitions, about my friends and sibling. Him the same. I went out with my brother on Thursday night to play pool and relax. I was in line for the ladies room when the girl behind me says “HEY! Kat, right!” I recognize her face, beautifully tan, without a spec of makeup, and kind eyes she’s about a foot shorter than me as well. I look down and can see she is a tad tipsy. “Do you remember where we met?!” “I am sorry, no.” I respond. “Bookstore Boy (she doesn’t say this, but I will protect his name)!” “Right! Hey, how are you?” “Good, good. I have a question?” “Yeah?” “Was he dating you too?” “Bookstore boy?” “Yeah.” “Was he dating you?” I asked. “Yup.” She said.“Yeah, I think we were getting to know one another.”“Apparently we weren’t the only ones.” At that point it was my turn in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, marked with graffiti about this girl or that, or about Nick so and so, and Ryan this. I smiled. I think he stopped talking to me, because I knew. And he knew I wasn’t trying to play games. He stopped by TKoW, and asked me if it was an accurate description of what I wanted out of life. Yes, albeit manicured, it is was most represents and inspires me. I told my mom. She asked me if maybe I had thought of not talking about TKoW, that perhaps it may intimidate or off put guys. I told her that if a man has a problem with my blog in the first month of getting to know me, what makes me think he won’t like it in 3 months of knowing me. It’s part of my life, and if he doesn’t like it, well then he’s not meant to be a part of my life. I think, sometimes telling a person that you want more out of life; hat you are looking for a great job, a great relationship, a great set of friends, a great lifestyle overall, and that you aren’t afraid to work for it, then you can let that person know that you aren’t here to mess around. I don’t do flings, I don’t casually have sex, I do not casually date. Maybe it’s a fault (not being able to do casual dating, at least not anymore). Maybe less is more. But in this case, I don’t want to waste your time or mine. So, be honest. Be honest if you have 5 girls that you are dating. Be honest if you are looking for sex. Be honest if you don’t like my blog. Because then, I can honestly get away before I get the feeling that I want to tell you everything.And I can honestly tell you that I don’t want to waste your time or mine. -Kat Keegan April 11, 2012

Is it okay to want to tell someone everything, but holding things back to share later? My mother’s mantra for years has been “Less is more, Katharine”. What if, I stopped rebelling against her and realized that, in this she may be right. Looking back on my past friendships, and relationships I have realized something. Sometimes, people can’t handle everything. Sometimes, telling them everything puts a demand on them that they cannot handle.

I understand the standards of my dating criteria, I set them. And yet, I go out with friends to the local hangouts, the pub, parties or just friends of friends and I keep my eyes open that perhaps, maybe someone will catch my eye.

Back in February I was getting books from the local used bookstore for class, and I met the sales clerk, he was nice, intelligent and funny. I couldn’t deny he was also attractive. He asked me out, right then and there to share his lunch break, it was really nice, he paid for my drink before I had a chance to get my own. He got my number and he spent the next week texting me everyday. I was as much intellectually stimulated as I had been with him in person as I was via text.We had similar interests, etc. We went out to get drinks, I visited him at his job.

I put in some serious time to get to know him and work around my and his busy schedule. I told him about my blog, and as he became more and more busy for hanging out I noticed him around town, with other girls. Different girls each time. I though nothing of it. Then he told me he was all together too busy and the texting stopped. Four weeks in to a friendship with romantic possibilities, I wasn’t too worried.

A couple days after his text message I saw him at the local grocery store, he got out of his car as I exited the store. A girl got out the passenger side, they were close, bumping shoulders she was giggling over something. I looked directly at my car, got in and drove home. My mom thinks I should have gone over and said hi, but in that moment, I was shocked and albeit a little hurt.

The next day I saw him walking around the corner near the bank as I walked Oscar, he was with my friend’s roommate. She was looking up at him smiling, and I just kept walking. Finally, a few weeks later I was at her house because her roommate Steph was in an improv comedy sketch group with me and we had rehearsals for a show.

Guess who walks in only 20 minutes after I get there. Him, bookstore boy. I can feel the heat burning the tips of my ears red (my fatal sign of embarrassment). He ignores me, I ignore him. Steph thank the lord above asks me if we can move to my dad’s building to practice since the apartment was small and so many spectators were there. I agreed, and threw a “Later guys!” as I rushed out of the apartment.

Now, I see him everywhere. Walking across campus, in the science building. Walking through town. He ignores me, I ignore him. Hours of conversation, of me telling him details about my ambitions, about my friends and sibling. Him the same.

I went out with my brother on Thursday night to play pool and relax. I was in line for the ladies room when the girl behind me says

“HEY! Kat, right!” I recognize her face, beautifully tan, without a spec of makeup, and kind eyes she’s about a foot shorter than me as well. I look down and can see she is a tad tipsy.

“Do you remember where we met?!”

“I am sorry, no.” I respond.

“Bookstore Boy (she doesn’t say this, but I will protect his name)!”

“Right! Hey, how are you?”

“Good, good. I have a question?”

“Yeah?”

“Was he dating you too?”

“Bookstore boy?”

“Yeah.”

“Was he dating you?” I asked.

“Yup.” She said.

“Yeah, I think we were getting to know one another.”

“Apparently we weren’t the only ones.”

At that point it was my turn in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, marked with graffiti about this girl or that, or about Nick so and so, and Ryan this. I smiled.

I think he stopped talking to me, because I knew. And he knew I wasn’t trying to play games. He stopped by TKoW, and asked me if it was an accurate description of what I wanted out of life.

Yes, albeit manicured, it is was most represents and inspires me. I told my mom. She asked me if maybe I had thought of not talking about TKoW, that perhaps it may intimidate or off put guys. I told her that if a man has a problem with my blog in the first month of getting to know me, what makes me think he won’t like it in 3 months of knowing me. It’s part of my life, and if he doesn’t like it, well then he’s not meant to be a part of my life.

I think, sometimes telling a person that you want more out of life; hat you are looking for a great job, a great relationship, a great set of friends, a great lifestyle overall, and that you aren’t afraid to work for it, then you can let that person know that you aren’t here to mess around.

I don’t do flings, I don’t casually have sex, I do not casually date. Maybe it’s a fault (not being able to do casual dating, at least not anymore). Maybe less is more. But in this case, I don’t want to waste your time or mine. So, be honest. Be honest if you have 5 girls that you are dating. Be honest if you are looking for sex. Be honest if you don’t like my blog. Because then, I can honestly get away before I get the feeling that I want to tell you everything.And I can honestly tell you that I don’t want to waste your time or mine.

-Kat Keegan April 11, 2012




228 notes
writing relationships dating words by me
January 8th, 2012

My first college boyfriend, if you can call him that, one evening showed up beneath my apartment window playing the accordion and singing.

We had a very immature relationship, based off of 18 year old desires and 18 year old expectations. We fought, about silly things, but I also mooned over him. Unfortunately for me the mooning overtook reason and I didn’t see the manipulative power that one person in a relationship has (if they choose to abuse it) over the other. 

We rarely left my one room apartment. We would read, study, watch tv, talk, laugh. He would play his guitar, write music. I would work on this or that. I went to his place once in the months we had being seeing each other and I learned that I was for him, a challenge. I wasn’t a prude, I knew things, I grew up with boys, I understood the basics of perverted conversation. What I didn’t realize what that when an 18 year old girl, inept at flirting, with loud and boisterous tones, declares that she’d rather wait for a mature relationship to have sex, some thrill seekers take advantage.

The virgin. You know what creature in fiction and fable seeks out the virgin? The dragon. Mythology declares, as far back as dragons can be traced, the myth has the hero & dragon battle. A symbol for the fight to redeem femininity in society. The dragon’s main goal to stockpile the treasure hard to attain, also known as virginity.

/

The vulnerable enchanting woman guarded and captured by a menacing monster, and the hero’s task to rescue her, marry her and establish his kingdom with her. Except that there was no conquering hero on a gallant white steed, instead there was the realization and the break-up. It really wasn’t even a break up, just a fight and him moving onto different pastures. Which to this day may have been his haunt while we had my first “romance”. (Still iffy on whether he was juggling a girl while he and I had been seeing each other)

I realized that he was not a dragon, he was just a cocky on the outside, insecure on the inside college guy. Smart enough, witty enough, individual enough to catch my gaze, also magnificently attractive with a “devilish” good-look about him. And I, Miss. Making-up-for-high-school’s-social-leprosy, was lively and entertaining and soon knew more people than I could count, and I’d imagine most of them had heard through the grapevines of my chastity. 

He ended up moving on to a girl who was a little less chaste. I ended up changing the group of friends that had brought him into my life, and they really didn’t seem to mind. I ended up realizing a very important thing: I am the hero of my life, and I don’t need to be saved by something I am supposed to expect. Doesn’t the virgin ever get sick of the possessive and vain dragon? Why doesn’t she do some slaying herself and take some of that stockpiled treasure and do her thing? (Yes, Disney movies are improving this stereotype, I love Mulan.)

He’s not a bad guy, he’s a musician in a band that gets minimal fanfare. He put on some weight, he dated around, ended dropping out our sophomore year. He called me over the summer, said he saw me and that I looked good, that I seemed to have changed, be more confident, more relaxed in my skin. Wondered if I was his friend, even after all the bad. I told him we were. He still invites me to shows and parties. He lives about an hour and a half away. I always decline. 

It’s not as though he brings nothing into my life right now, I don’t wish to sound harsh. It’s that he brought what he needed to bring, and now we are on separate paths that are not, in my mind, going to cross again.

But I will always remember the giddy and flushed feeling I had when he showed up playing the accordion and singing, and I will remember fondly the lesson I learned without losing other than time.

(Source: thatkindofwoman)

284 notes
written love dating men in my life words by me
October 5th, 2011

When planning for what possibly could be a date…

1. Check the weather. Always.

Example: my area on Friday is predicted to have Sun, 0% chance of rain and a high of 68. 

2. Check the location.

Example: outdoors, park setting.

3. Check the activity.

Example: sitting on a blanket, or on a bench, eating. 

4. Now plan the outfit. Then change it 7-8 times the day of as you put it on. 

Example: dress or skirt, boots or flats, pants-inner monologue telling you how much you hate pants- hair down, or styled?

For me most likely: the end result will be: I will find something comfortable and casual last minute like a corduroy skirt and a sweater, I will leave my hair down and smile way too much. 

Disclaimer: He may or may not know about my blog yet. Which means he may or may not see this. Haha.

56 notes
personal dating dates blarg
June 15th, 2010

My life. Just so you all are completely updated.

Me: would you say you are a jealous person?
Jim: depends. i tend to not be
Me: mhmm...what do you ideally want out of our casual dating?
Jim: but thats not saying i dont get jealous. i just dont let anybody know about my jealousy
Me: i understand
Jim: i imagine us getting married and having 3 children. 2 boys, 1 girl. The one boy will be tough to handle (like his father) and he’ll go to military academy. The other boy will have great musical talents, and will start taking piano lessons (taught by me) at age 4: he’ll play for the local orchestra and volunteer for the humane society. Upon getting out of military academy, the first boy will join the army, and become a well-respected general. The woman will be strong-willed (like her mother) and have a big imagination: she’ll out-perform both her brothers in academics and she’ll receive a full ride to a very prestigious school. You, of course, will be an accomplished novelist, and i’ll have re-written all my recipes to take into account your special dietary needs, and will have a cookbook especially for people with bad allergies. We’ll open the first restaurant that caters especially to our guests special dietary restraints, and will be very successful
honestly I dont think about it.
Me: hahahahhahahha
Jim: ok to tell the truth, I did think about a restaurant idea like that, and i think you’d make a good novelist
Me: hahah...no marriage and kids? by the way. I have to blog that. HAVE TO
Jim: havent seen us getting married yet, sorry. Boys (normal ones) don’t typically think that far in advance
Me: hahah It’s okay I don’t see it either
Jim: not that it wont happen one day, i just dont think about it
5 notes
jim dating
A website dedicated to the things that inspire a young woman with a good head on her shoulders, an overactive imagination and a constant question on her mind: what kind of woman is she?