That Kind Of Woman

Watching this movie (entitled: Last Night) means I just went into my kitchen and emotionally ate two hotdogs and two kosher pickles. No shame, yeah, I emotionally eat, and cook, and cry. I am pretty flawed. I am petty, and mean, but never with malicious intent. I am, just as I will always be, me. A human. 

I get rowdy and I sweat when I dance too hard under harsh hot lights at my friend’s band’s shows. I wear sweatpants when I get home. I hate socks unless they are soft and patterned. I have been very drunk, I also have had many sober nights. I have been the one to break someone’s heart. I have had my heart kicked around a bit as well.

I send late night texts. I leave late night voicemails. I am someone who punches my guy friends in the arm, and hugs and lifts my girl friends in the air when I get extra excited to see them. I sneak a thermos and home made popcorn into movie theatres when I go on a date with myself.

I sometimes wake up in the morning and don’t want to get out of bed because I get scared. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and open the windows and stare out into the night. I am an affectionate person, I want to touch and hold those who I love and feel strongly about.

I sometimes have a great fear that even though I am easy to love, that I may be very hard to convince that I am loved by someone.

I write to ask myself the questions I avoid when I lie awake at night. 

(Source: thatkindofwoman)

We swore to each other in the inky darkness,
that we would meet each other,
toe for toe.
Those lies held us together longer than any of our truths would.
Instead, we met others that held us together with quality.

No longer did we use force and quickness to patch up the problems.
We dissolved.
We disappeared.

In it’s place we became separate.
We found someone who was meant to be.

Meaningful silences.
Words meant more.
Touches felt more.

We found ourselves in matches.
Not pairs. 

“Please don’t go” wasn’t an option. 
“Won’t you stay” was never said. 

We had to stay. 
Without them we couldn’t see. 
 

(Source: thatkindofwoman)