Watching this movie (entitled: Last Night) means I just went into my kitchen and emotionally ate two hotdogs and two kosher pickles. No shame, yeah, I emotionally eat, and cook, and cry. I am pretty flawed. I am petty, and mean, but never with malicious intent. I am, just as I will always be, me. A human.
I get rowdy and I sweat when I dance too hard under harsh hot lights at my friend’s band’s shows. I wear sweatpants when I get home. I hate socks unless they are soft and patterned. I have been very drunk, I also have had many sober nights. I have been the one to break someone’s heart. I have had my heart kicked around a bit as well.
I send late night texts. I leave late night voicemails. I am someone who punches my guy friends in the arm, and hugs and lifts my girl friends in the air when I get extra excited to see them. I sneak a thermos and home made popcorn into movie theatres when I go on a date with myself.
I sometimes wake up in the morning and don’t want to get out of bed because I get scared. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and open the windows and stare out into the night. I am an affectionate person, I want to touch and hold those who I love and feel strongly about.
I sometimes have a great fear that even though I am easy to love, that I may be very hard to convince that I am loved by someone.
I write to ask myself the questions I avoid when I lie awake at night.