Men in their 20s are a mystery. A mystery wrapped in an enigma.
My thoughts? Off the record, so that any of my male followers be they 21 or 38, or anywhere inbetween, don’t think I am distributing my opinion all willy nilly….
A very few amount of men know what they want. Heck, anyone in their 20s, male or female, knows exaclty what they want. If they do, they usually go for it. Or they are waiting for it. It may be casual encounters, it may be a friend with benefits, it may be someone who is looking for a long lasting love.
Imagine that you, whoever you are reading this, is going to live until you are 99 years old, god bless you. Let’s say at the youngest you are 21 and at the oldest you are 30. You have 70+ years left to live. That to men, and some women, is daunting. Let’s say that for 50 of those years you are committed to one person. That is a lifetime, a lifetime where you will grow, change, develop, decline… etc. Then you take into account that your partner in life is also going to change… I see it in my parents. Who after 28 years together, are starting to date again. Raising three kids, making them your fulltime commitment changes the way you are, who you are. Now you have to figure out who your spouse is, your goals, your new or changed personality quirks. The kids are grown, taking on challenges and responsibilities of their own.
You are now dating your spouse. Vacations, nights out to eat, no longer are you constantly tugged in the direction of your kids…..
Okay, okay, I digress.
Commitment is terrifying. Especially when you think about how much time you have to get to know someone as a friend. Or, maybe they chicken out. Ignore you because they can’t voice their issues.
Or maybe, these guys are just asshats. Excuse the language. They’d rather pass up the opportunity to get to know a girl. And would rather go for a short term fulfillment casual flirting, try and get in your pants, but be a relatively nice guy about it. The I am a manwhore and I know it, and I can move on if you aren’t interested, mentality.
I am no expert. I go to bars, bookstore, parks, libraries and other places to watch interactions, and occasionally have some of my own. This is where I tend to think of myself gaining more footing in understanding the way people date. But, I may be wrong.
Personally, I tend to be blunt with guys who flirt with me, okay… okay I admit, I flirt back first. A little hair toss, a little shimmy shake, I order a whiskey, neat and do a little spin on the bar stool.
But, I am me, and that comes with blunt observations. If you are going to flirt with me one day, (and I am not talking about a casual mutually understood oh hey you are attractive, oh hey I am attractive let’s jokingly flirt, I am talking about you make me feel like the only girl in the room type flirting, if that exists anymore) and ignore me the next. I will call you out. I will good-naturedly harass you. Albeit with a wicked twinkling gleam in my eyes, but you and I both knew that if you were really invested in me, you’d have gotten my number and called. Or come back a second time to flirt again. Test the waters, see where it could go.
But, that’s just me. My tactics sometimes gains me respect, or other times it gets me ignored. Maybe it’s why I make a great wingman to all my buddies, (I ask what they want and try to help them negotiate the tricky waters of what women wear to the bar and how that tells you what they are expecting for the evening) and maybe my tactics are why I am single.