February 24th, 2013

I feel like I am in that place in my life where people are either telling me “You are so , young you have so much time.” or “what are you going to do with your life?”.

I don’t need to have it all together. I don’t need to listen to the criticism of anonymous people and feel bad about myself. I don’t even need to listen to hurtful things people may say to me in day to day life. Anger is released upon me and here I am supposed to feel hurt? Betrayed? Sad? I don’t need to feel anything, my actions will not be changed because people tell me something nasty that they think about me.

I feel like it’s been years of this back and forth with people. Telling me what I should and shouldn’t do here on my blog. It hasn’t changed thus far, so I can almost guarantee it never will. I don’t care if you feel like me sleeping through yoga, and eating bread and dip in bed is going to make me fat. Newsflash, I am the way I am. I love every little bit of my body, ya know why? Because it’s mine. Mine. Not yours, not my neighbor, not my boyfriend’s, not my mother’s. Not the president’s or the pope’s. It’s mine. I can do what ever I want to it, and with it.

I can hike mountains, or lay on the beach, I can do anything I want. I am not ashamed of it. I know it is beautiful. It is. It may not be to you, but that is probably a reflection of your own imagine of what you think a beautiful body should be. Or what someone told you, and now you have to live up to that idea. 

I can go to yoga, or eat bacon and eggs every day. I can sneak off to movies and eat twizlers, or go to the gym. I can do what ever I desire, and nothing you say will change that. I can do any or all of those things. I do all of those things.

My weight has fluctuated for the past 5 years. 150-190lbs my body has changed. Guess what? My life changed. I will never be skinny, I have said this before, I have talk about all of this before. I am amazing. I am beautiful and I am full of hope that instead of calling me self absorbed, you realize that you too should accept your body, your flaws and strengths. You should really listen to the peple who tell you are beautiful and believe them. Believe yourself when you say it.

Am I perfect? No, but really what the hell is perfection? Why do I have to adhere to someone else’s idea of what my body should be?

I started seeing someone who has been amazing at just communicating what he finds interesting and beautiful about me. The things he says are already things I knew and accepted about myself. I am compassionate, and caring. I am beautiful and funny. BUt hearing it said by someone else, it’s wonderful.

Does this happen with every person see? No. Will every person I meet think the same things? No. But that’s their problem and not mine.

I have worth as a person, and no matter what someone says about me, I can’t and won’t lose sight of it. Because in all honesty, that person is losing out on a great opportunity to have me in their lives. Selfish? Full of myself? No. I am sure of myself. Sure for the first time in my life that I am who I am. Am I fully developed? Have I cast aside all my flaws, and become all knowing and wonderful? No. I have sins, I have faults, I have vices. Accepting those things is just as important as the acceptance of my being and it’s aesthetic to others, and most importantly to myself. 

If my 16 year old self could see me now? Damn, that would be a sight. It would be awesome, because I know I was scared, and confused. I didn’t think I was beautiful, or that I had anything to give to other people. I know what I have, what I can give, and how I should receive as much if not more from the world and the people in it. Everyone should. 

If you tell yourself that you are ugly, or angry, or fat, it will happen. It will happen because you become what you tell yourself you are. I am beautiful. My sister, my mother and all the women in my family are stunning women. Not only on the outside, but because of the types of women they are and how they see themselves.

Anything you may try to throw at me, I can guarantee you I have heard it before, and it comes up lacking. It’s not something that I need to prove to you, because I have already proved or disproved it to myself. 

(Source: thatkindofwoman)

January 21st, 2013
How can you have a positive outlook?

You gotta look at people who have it better than you and the people that have it worse than you. Then you look at the people you admire, and look at where they have been, how far they have come, and where they are going. 

I am blessed with so many things. One of them being my outlook on life. Look at all you have to give. Then, tomorrow look for one more thing that you can give, even if it’s just to yourself. Each day try a little harder at being good to yourself.

Eventually, everyone around will see how good you are to yourself and they will treat you the same, and if they don’t well they don’t deserve to be a part of your life and you should feel sorry for them.

But never, dear, never feel sorry for yourself. That is first and foremost. 

January 13th, 2013
you're a big woman. by big i mean chubby. pretty but chubby. do you ever think about losing weight? not rude; only real.

Hi there. 

I am 5’9”. My thighs touch and rub together, my breasts are large, and I have, what I kindly and fondly call, a pooch.

I have no problem with my body. Sure, there are styles of clothing that don’t suit my shape, and times when I wish I could do a little flattening. 

But, I can honestly tell you I have never been so grateful for my body as I have been recently. Do you ever just think about how wonderful it is? The unique amazing qualities, what it allows you to do. Damn, it’s beautiful.

Sure you might classify me as “chubby” others say “curvy”, “solid” or “buxom” and occasionally from others who have hatred in their hearts I have been called fat. Any way you label it, it’s never going to be your choice what my body is. No one will have the choice to make my body any different, except me.

I recently started working out. I started doing Yoga twice a week, I am eating less processed foods. Not, mind you, so that I can be “skinny”. Here’s a secret; I was not born to be skinny. I carry weight on my body like I carry my ideas and passions, with pride. 

I don’t want to become skinny, but what I want is my body to be as equally soft as strong. I want to be more flexible, more comfortable. I want to make my body work for me. It’s a blessed thing, my body. It’s lovely.

Lovely and beautiful. It’s all mine, too. Weight isn’t the issue. I weigh in the above 150 below 200 range, and have been that way since I was 17. I don’t really need to change my weight, but I need to take what has been given me, and treat it with respect and love. Making sure my body lasts as long as my head and heart do. 

In that goal lies exercising and improving. Not weigh loss. 

October 8th, 2012

You should love yourself. If not for the pure pleasure of going through life loved, then for those who love you. 

We fight ourselves for a better part of our lives. At least as teenagers. We hate ourselves when we wake up, and then all through the day we lash out at those who love us. 

Maybe we just don’t like ourselves, looking in the mirror. Not at our physical presence, that we can change. We can get up early in the morning and run. We can fit into all the pretty perfect clothes we want. We can cover our flaws with makeup. We can make our eyes look bigger and prettier. We can dye our hair and wear heels that make our butt and legs look more appealing.

But your attitude won’t change. You can’t change the flaws on the inside and the ugly. You have to love it before you can get rid of it. You have to love the way you are before you can change for the better.

We weren’t born bad. We weren’t born with flawed souls. We got those marks and scars, each day we got up, each day we went out into the world. 

Love who you are now. Love who you were as a kid. Hell, even love that asshole 16 year old teenager. Just love yourself, for the sake of the people already trying to love you. 

(Source: thatkindofwoman)

A website dedicated to the things that inspire a young woman with a good head on her shoulders, an overactive imagination and a constant question on her mind: what kind of woman is she?